Burned Out and People-Pleasing? 7 Ways To Stop Running on Empty.
Burned Out and People-Pleasing? 7 Ways to Stop Running on Empty
By JoHanna Abell, Wellness Coach, ACSM CPT, CSW, MSSW, ACE Behavioral Specialist, STOTTS Pilates Instructor.
I know the kind of burnout that still looks fine from the outside. The work gets done, the texts get answered, and everyone is taken care of except you. When you're juggling a career, relationships, and the mental load nobody sees, "busy" quietly becomes your baseline. The World Health Organization describes burnout through three signs: exhaustion, growing cynicism toward your work, and feeling less effective.
Wellness coaching isn't another checklist. A systematic review of 284 articles describes health and wellness coaching as client-centered, built on self-discovery, goals you choose, education, and accountability. Here's where to start.
1. Filter Your Commitments Instead of Waiting for Life to Slow Down
There won't be an empty week. Use my F.E.E.D. Method: Filter what's on your plate, Evaluate what matters, Eliminate what you carry out of habit, and Direct your energy on purpose. Try it: list this week's commitments and circle one to drop.
2. Treat People-Pleasing as a Warning Sign
Researchers call chronic over-focus on others at your own expense "unmitigated communion," and it's linked with greater psychological distress. Practice one script: "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." That pause is your boundary.
3. Start Small: Perfectionism Fuels Burnout
A meta-analysis of 43 studies found that perfectionistic concerns, like fear of mistakes and harsh self-criticism, carry a meaningful link to burnout. Pick one ten-minute action and repeat it daily. In a real-world habit study, missing a single day didn't derail progress.
4. Move Your Body to Lower Exhaustion
A systematic review found physical activity consistently linked to lower exhaustion, the core of burnout, though few studies were high quality. Yoga and Pilates helped too. A walk counts. So does a stretch.
5. Audit Your Whole Life, Not Just Your Habits
Wellness includes sleep, relationships, work, and screens. In a study of young adults, leisure phone use before bed was tied to taking longer to fall asleep. Try a two-column list this week: drains and refills.
6. Replace "Should" With "What Works for Me?"
There's no universal routine. Your needs shift with your season of life, so design around yours, not an influencer's. Ask yourself what a sustainable Tuesday looks like. Your plan should fit your real calendar, not an idealized one.
7. Move From Surviving to Designing
Wellness isn't a performance to perfect. It's noticing, choosing, adjusting, and trying again. A 2023 review found that in 25 of 28 coaching studies, gains in at least one outcome lasted or grew after coaching ended.
Your Next Step
It doesn't need to be dramatic: one boundary, one walk, one honest conversation. If you're ready to redesign a life that fits who you are now, book a free consultation with me.
Coaching isn't a substitute for medical or mental health care. If exhaustion persists or you feel hopeless, talk with your doctor or a licensed mental health professional.
References
Wolever RQ, et al. (2013). A systematic review of the literature on health and wellness coaching. Global Advances in Health and Medicine. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24416684/
Helgeson VS, Fritz HL. (1998). A theory of unmitigated communion. Personality and Social Psychology Review. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1207/s15327957pspr0203_2
Hill AP, Curran T. (2016). Multidimensional perfectionism and burnout: A meta-analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Review. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26231736/
Lally P, et al. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ejsp.674
Naczenski LM, et al. (2017). Systematic review of the association between physical activity and burnout. Journal of Occupational Health. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5721270/
Joshi SC, Woodward J, Woltering S. (2021). Nighttime cell phone use and sleep quality in young adults. Sleep and Biological Rhythms. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10899973/
Ahmann E, et al. (2023). Health and wellness coaching and sustained gains: A rapid systematic review. American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38559782/
World Health Organization. (2019). Burn-out an "occupational phenomenon": International Classification of Diseases. https://www.who.int/news/item/28-05-2019-burn-out-an-occupational-phenomenon-international-classification-of-diseases
